cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This baby is an asshole
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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