mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
