dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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