"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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