I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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