Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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