the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
