absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
