these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
this hospital has no fireball
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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