Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
