I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
