Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
