i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Randomize