i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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