Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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