You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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