I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
