he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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