I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
