I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
zippers are such a cool invention
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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