imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
two words...techno handjob
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
