I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
