i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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