That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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