I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
