rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize