Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
