She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
