I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
