Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
