I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
