fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
