It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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