I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
