Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
