Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We talked him into tasing himself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
