I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
