I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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