There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
