i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
