I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
