my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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