i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
time to smoke my breakfast
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
