I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
