I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
