I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
