FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
