Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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