I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
