I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
