I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
