i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
