Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
