Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
