Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
