Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
