I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
