I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
