Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
