oh god the rape fog is back!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
