Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
