i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
