sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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