There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
