Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
