Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
